Astronaut5: Reckless + Expecting

Dean just grunted back a 'Morning', taken aback by that cheerfulness. He blinked, observing his soulmate a bit more closely. "Slept well?", he asked confused, gesturing for Castiel to sit down so that he could grab him some coffee.

Eileen, in the meantime, had decided she'd skip breakfast to go straight for the library. Not because she wanted to get rid of that situation the quickest way possible - mostly because she didn't like to lie to the boys. Sam especially. So, for as long as Rowena wasn't going to spill the beans, she was going to possibly avoid to meet them all together.

"Actually, yes. Are you alright?" Castiel frowned a bit when he noticed just how tired Dean was, and sat down by his side, reaching for his hand.

She woke up Rowena, who instinctively said "Wasn't my fault!", before she looked at Eileen and sighed with relief. "Oh thank gods it's just you," she said, as she ordered her notes.

Dean was a bit baffled, so he just let Castiel take his hand. "I... didn't really sleep, no - how are you so carefree and happy-go-lucky today?", he asked then, not able to keep himself. "Do you know something I do not?"

Eileen raised an eyebrow. "Good morning to you too", she said signing. She got close to the library, picking a random book - something about crocottas - and sat down at the table. "Did you sleep?"

Castiel blinked, and stared at Dean intensely. "No. I just... feel filled with joy today," he replied, then looked down for a second. "... I guess it has to do with-" he clearly hesitated on how to finish that sentence, so he didn't finish it. "Is that bad?"

Rowena looked at her watch, and gave it a shrug. "Barely." She yawned and looked down at her notes, before she ran a hand into her hair again, muttering something about needing to leave the country damn fast.

Dean felt just... confused. Plain confused. He rubbed his temples, trying to fight off a migraine that was about to come and hit him like a train wreck. "What... how... what exactly changed since last night?", he asked. "You seemed just as terrified as me. And suddenly you are happy?"

Eileen was observing her, so she caught that lip movement. She frowned. "You want to leave the country?"

Castiel seemed extremely guilty. So much that he brought back his hands in front of him, entwining his fingers together. "I- I just felt good this morning. At peace. I can still feel it inside of me, Dean, but somehow nothing's ever felt this... soothing." He did not dare to look back at Dean at that point, feeling like his own state was probably insulting him in some way.

"Leaving? Who said anything about leaving?" Rowena laughed nervously, then caught her head between her hands. Then, she straightened up. "Alright. I can't find nothing about nephilims in those books. How are they born, whether they are like actual human fetuses, nothing!"

Dean just... stared at him. He could only do that, at that point. Speechless. "... ok", he said in the end, simply refusing to understand what Castiel exactly found soothing about that absurd situation. He went back staring at his empty cup of coffee, sleep deprivation making him even less receptive. "We should still probably talk about it", he added, after a while.

Eileen shook her head, disapprovingly. "What happened to you wanting to face the consequences?", she asked, reproaching her. "Nephilims are very, very rare. But maybe Castiel himself knows something more about them. We should ask him." She looked at Rowena, carefully. "And you should have breakfast. And rest", she added, gently. Maybe she had been too harsh on her.

"... I'll leave you some privacy," Sam said, clearing his throat, as he stood up to go see if he could find Eileen, literally escaping the scene. When he was gone, Castiel remained silent for a while, before he dared to throw a glance at Dean. "Are you mad?"

Rowena sighed. "So that Dean Winchester can shoot some witch-killing bullets in me? I'd better not show up in front of him until I find a way for them to cancel my mistake," she said moodily. "That bloody manual it came with is only some stupid advice about how to care for the 'bearing daddy'"

Dean shrugged. "I... no. I just don't understand how you are so fine with this", he said. Well, alright, maybe he was a bit mad. After all, he seemed the only one of the two who was worried as hell. "I mean - it's not normal, it happened out of nowhere, and it's a-" He took a deep breath. "It's a child. I really, really don't know how am I supposed to feel about this."

Eileen hummed in thought. "Well, it's not stupid", she observed. "It could already be helpful. The only downside is you can't really explain how you got those informations without outing yourself." She thought some more. "Maybe we could... ask Crowley?", she thought out loud. "Or another angel? His soulmate Hanakael?"

Castiel nodded gravely, remaining silent for another while. "Do you fear it's a trick that's been played on us?" Well. Maybe it was the reason why he was still so anxious about that whole thing, wasn't it? After all, he knew that at some point in his life, Dean had settled down with that woman named Lisa and her son, and lead a happy family life. Was it so selfish of Castiel to think in that moment that maybe, just maybe... he wondered what it could be like, to have a family of their own?

"..." Rowena was about to laugh, but then she pondered over the thought. "Asking Fergus is out of question," he said, waving that idea off. "He'd only make fun of everyone and barely be of any help at all, but his... his soulmate, uh. You know how to contact him?" She had never been properly introduced to her son-in-law, after all. She wanted to know what kind of person her son fell in love with!

Dean nodded. He turned to Castiel, his face almost desperate now. "Listen, it - it happened so fast", he said. "And so out of nowhere. You said it yourself that it is not normal - hell, biologically speaking it's fucking bonkers! And angels have another reason to look for us and want to kill us, not to mention we know nothing of what this could do to you!" Since his hands were shaking, he took a deep breath. Of course those weren't the only worries he had. But they were the most urgent, for now at least.

Eileen frowned slightly. "Well, not personally - we could ask Castiel to call him, through his own angel radio. Or... maybe he'd answer to a prayer. Angels do, sometimes."

Castiel's expression finally softened. He turned to Dean as well, and looked at him intensely. "I won't die, Dean," he whispered. He gently laid his hand over Dean's again, squeezing it gently. "It is ... odd, to say the least. But I don't feel like my life is threatened in any way. I'll try to look for something to ward myself more efficiently from the other angels."

"Does he still qualify as an angel, though?" Rowena thought out loud. "I mean, you told me Fergus has become a devil with that ritual thing, he's probably changed as well."

"... yeah. Yeah, ok." Dean squeezed his hand back briefly. He bit his lower lip, trying to find a delicate way to ask the next question. There wasn't an easy one. But he had to - needed to. "So, you... wish to keep it", he murmured. It was a question, but it did come out as an affirmation.

Eileen shrugged. "I don't know. It's true that he changed as well after the ritual. But the base is still one of an angel, and trying doesn't cost anything does it?", she answered. Yeah, at worst they would have gotten an uncomfortable silence and zero answers. At best someone who could potentially help them.

Castiel's jaw tightened when he understood. He lowered his eyes, but did not let go of Dean's hand. "And you don't," he whispered back," his throat tight. "I- understand," he blurted out, before he could even think.

"Let's try!" Rowena enthusiastically said, before she cleared her throat. "... You said his name's Hana- something?"

Dean cursed under his breath. "It's not -" He took another deep breath. The last thing he wanted was to upset Castiel. "Cas, it's not that. I am just... can you understand I am in full blown panic mode right now?", he tried to explain himself. "You know I have nothing against getting a family. I never had. But... wanting it, and being ready for it or even deserving it are... different things." He still had clear those memories of him pushing Lisa's son against the wall when he had been a vampire, hurting him. And putting both in danger. And his father... He clenched his hand around Castiel's. No. He didn't want to be like his father had been to him. The risk was too great.

"Hanakael", Eileen completed, before nodding. "Let's." She closed her eyes, and put her hands together in a praying gesture, a bit awkwardly. She wasn't the praying type - never had been, and how could she, with all the horrors she witnessed every day of her life? "Um... Hanakael, I am praying to you right now. My name is Eileen, you know me - we might need your help. Please, if you can, come alone. It's very important." She waited, with her eyes closed.

Castiel finally looked back at Dean. "We can wait for a few days before we take a decision," he whispered then. "It's... I know it's a lot to take in. And that we had never talked about it before. But why should this necessarily be a bad thing?" He wished he could make Dean feel how good he had felt minutes ago. Unfortunately, that feeling was temporarily gone.

"What would you need my help for?" Hanakael asked as he had appeared in the room, causing Rowena to almost yelp. He frowned a bit when he recognized her, but made no comment nor move in her direction.

Dean swallowed. Then nodded slowly. "Alright", he murmured. "You're right, we... we never talked about it to begin with, and I guess we can wait a week or some days", he added then. The issue on whether it had to be a bad thing, well... Dean wasn't really in the mood to bring up what a piss poor job he thought he could do as a father. It really was not the right moment. "I just want you to be alright."

Eileen had opened her eyes to look around, to see if Hanakael had appeared - of course she hadn't heard him talk, nor Rowena's distressed sound. She spotted him, and almost sighed in relief. It had worked! "Hello", she greeted him, a bit formally. "I am sorry to call you like that. I... I don't know if you heard anything going on on angel radio?", she asked. For some reason, Hanakael made her feel like she needed to be overly polite. Maybe it was his rigid posture and his severe expression.

Castiel forced a small smile, and leaned in to lay a kiss on Dean's cheek. "Do you want some eggs and bacon?" He felt like treating his soulmate a bit, given that he had lost sleep over what had happened to him.

"You mean about the Nephilim?" Hanakael asked, arching a brow. "All of Heaven is crazy about it, and wonders why it felt so powerful yet can't be located." He had replied automatically, not even thinking that said Nephilim might be around here.
Also he did remain very formal in his stance, even with Rowena blinking at him.

Dean threw him a small smile himself, actually feeling grateful for the offer. "If you don't mind making it", he answered, a bit unsure. "And if you will eat with me." An invasive thought in the back of his head loudly told him that, since Castiel was pregnant, he should have been the one to treat him. But he kicked it away. Not now. He really just wanted to stay seated, at the moment.

Eileen bit her lower lip. "I wanted to ask you... what do you know about Nephilims", she said. "Castiel doesn't know much. I figured that maybe you knew more than him", she added, uneasy.

"I don't. And I will eat with you." Castiel replied softly. He stood up, and kissed Dean's temple, before he headed for the kitchen, where he prepared breakfast for the both of us.

Hanakael arched a brow. "I probably don't know much more than Castiel does. What is your concern?"

Dean sighed, pouring himself another cup of coffee while Castiel prepared breakfast. To say the truth he wasn't really hungry - but it didn't seem nice to refuse his soulmate's offer. He pit a clean cup next to his and filled it for Castiel.

"Well, it doesn't really happen a lot. It is very rare, and we really wouldn't want angels to swarm over the Earth to find a pregnant mother and kill a child. So the more we know, the better", Eileen said casually. She threw a glance to Rowena, silently asking if it would have been the case to tell him just who was the expectant... mother.

Castiel soon came back with plates, and laid one before Dean, keeping the second one to himself. He did not say anything, merely ate by his side. He did not know how to ease up the mood anyway.

"... It's a taboo matter," Hanakael replied, bewildered. No angel would dare to lay an offspring without thinking twice of the consequences."
"Yes, yes, but accidents do happen, right?" Rowena asked, a bit quickly. "Can you... cancel them?"

Dean thanked him for the dish, and started eating quietly. He hesitated, but then leaned in to kiss Castiel's cheek. "Thanks", he repeated again, a bit awkwardly. He finished up his coffee.

Eileen nodded towards Rowena. "Yes, right. What if it was an accident? It's not right everyone suffers the consequences of it. Is it possible to... well. Undo it, or anything?"

Castiel was a bit startled by that sudden outburst of affection, but he smiled softly. "You're welcome," he whispered, as he looked at Dean with fondness.

Hanakael frowned, and shook his head. "As long as the Nephilim is formed, almost nothing could prevent it from being born, expect perhaps the mother's death, if she's the human. But as long as it's been formed, the Nephilim will fight to stay alive."
Rowena's face became livid, and she tried to gather her papers, with shaking hands. Oh gods. She couldn't undo it. Oh gods.

Dean felt his heart get a bit larger under Castiel's affectionate gaze. And he could feel his appetite getting back a bit, so he started eating a bit more eagerly. And messily.

Eileen paled. She swallowed down a sudden lump. "I see", she answered, her voice shaking a bit. "So... there's no choice for the waiting couple. They will have to keep the child." She glanced at Rowena, noticing her panicked state. Damnit - what now? "What if the mother's not human?"